"It occurs to me that a resolution is a funny thing. It’s a promise I make to do something, in theory, for my own benefit, and so it would seem natural for me to want to do it. And yet, if I wanted to do the thing I’m promising to do in the first place, I probably wouldn’t need to make a resolution! In a way, a resolution serves as a demand from one part of myself to another – from the part that wants to toward the part that doesn’t. Immediately I feel some relief as I acknowledge this, as well as the fact that rivaling whatever need may be present for the part of me that wants to write, lose weight, stick to a budget, etc, my need for autonomy, for freedom from domination -even by my own hand- is just as strong. Out of this new awareness of the subtle way in which a well intentioned resolution can be perceived by some part of me as a threat to my freedom and thus create the condition for an internal rebellion, a question arises: is there any value in making a resolution?
My first sense is that there is value in noticing the impulse toward making a resolution and viewing it as an indication that there is an unmet need present and a desire to feel a certain way as a result of meeting that need. Approached with curiosity and compassion, and a willingness to look beneath the surface, I believe my resolution can put me in touch with my heart’s deepest longings."
You can read the entire thing here.
Happy new years!
This part also sortof related...
ReplyDelete"And there it is, my beginning. I’m in that place of longing, my own personal longing - for ease of creative self-expression, for connection, and contribution. Making a New Year’s Resolution, given the time of year and the cultural conditioning that encourages me to reflect upon the shortcomings of the past year and attempt to improve myself in the new one, plus my immediate circumstance of writing on the topic, emerges as a natural impulse toward helping me fulfill my desires.
What I notice, though, is the dynamic set in motion by the thought of making a resolution – something in me reacting to either the very idea of a resolution or perhaps the particular resolution itself. Something in me wanting permission to not do in the next few days what I’ve enthusiastically and without hesitation resolved to do for the entire next year.
Something about this feels familiar, and suddenly I recall the free passes of days of yore - to eat mindlessly and with abandon, to loaf despite my body’s appeal for movement, to spend above my means – each secured by the impending promise to eat less, exercise more, stick to a budget come January 1st. My curiosity kicks in: why, in making a resolution that by all appearances seems designed to support me in meeting my needs, would I choose to behave in exactly the opposite way as the resolution will eventually allow?
Hmm…it’s that last word – allow – that piques my interest, as well as the sense that this part of me that doesn’t want to plays a role not only in my pre-New Year jitters, but in the struggle to keep my vow beyond the first few weeks of the January, by which time who knows how many resolutions will have been broken worldwide. In my experience, turning toward this part that’s resisting right now can reveal important information to me – about other present needs I am not yet aware of, the meeting of which may in some way be compromised by the particular resolution I’ve made, or the act of making a resolution in the first place."